Eulogy

Today is the day I put to rest those of the departed. It's time and it's only right to hold a proper service. Although they are still physically on this earth, I still feel the need to mourn. Within the last year, I lost a friend to an inevitable event: change.

I cannot say that I didn't see this coming. I saw the signs, gradual steps towards a full metamorphosis. Why am I surprised? It's hard to say that it's because of the end result, because they aren't truly finished "changing", but more of the current result. I expected for there to be more of a gentle transformation, like from a caterpillar to a butterfly or a plant yielding a flower. What I witnessed was a corruption within the process.

They became like clay, molding and shaping into figures to the likeness of others. Soon they hardened and got tossed within (and maybe even by) those who created them. Going with the flow, rolling with the crew, up and down the hills of monotony. Pieces chipping and wearing away as they lose parts of themselves, whilst firmly believing they're getting closer to who they are.

But I knew them as a seed or a caterpillar. I was there during the many phases and stages of childhood. As time went on, we had different interests and I began to dim into the background to them. My presence was almost negligible until needed for help. They tested my loyalty, but it ultimately turned into me being a convenience.

I upheld the creed of a genuine friend.
They swept the floor with it.
I was ole' reliable.
They were constantly M.I.A.
It hurts.

It hurts because I still find myself believing that the old them could return. I put too much love into our friendship for it to barely be reciprocated. I feel like I'm in rehab. One moment, I want to just go cold turkey. Let them go and wither away by themselves. Then, I relapse. Love takes over and I want to be there. I want to care. Perhaps, I care too much.

So now, I'm slowly letting go. It saddens me that someone who had the potential to be a butterfly, chose to be a pebble. Slowly being crushed into dust.

They say that certain characteristics about you are prominent in the people you attract. Some of their traits were once present in me. The constant need for attention and friends. But I changed too. I'm happy I've changed. So at this point I only ask, are they happy with who they've become?