Real Queens Wake Up Like This: The #Flawless Challenge

It just really aggravates me when people are obsessed with bringing others down. Deplorable. Beyonce's song "Flawless" in which she says "I woke up like this..."(and also features feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) was meant as a mantra young women and girls could use for empowerment. We need to constantly reaffirm for ourselves that our beauty is timeless, effortless, and flawless in a world that has told us we are not. We need to do this because we live in a world in which if we google beauty, our faces are absent or scarce. I get that. What I don't get is that our moment almost always has to be snatched away by those who feel the need to constantly belittle, ridicule, and demean us. The kicker? A lot of the time, the hate created and circulated are by our own Black people. So I have to wake up to a meme with the caption "Bitches be like 'I woke up like this'" accompanied by a picture of an animal. Really Black people? Really? I understand that with everything, there will always be some kind of criticism, but why does it have to be to the point of shaming others?

I'll present to all my ladies a challenge. Take a picture of yourselves when you initially wake up. Smile. No filter. Caption it "I woke up like this" and include the hashtag #Iwokeuplikethis. Submit it to ourbellanaturale.tumblr.com/submit. Then share it on your social media. I want to make a compilation and archive it with the hashtag. Yes, people may laugh, but the joke will get old when they realize that true beauty is embracing your true self at anytime. Their ridicule wouldn't matter when they see that black girls and women love themselves beyond the negativity, ugliness, and self-hate around them. Soon we could re-write those memes to say "Real Queens say 'I woke up like this.'" 

Stay flawless my queens. 

Link to submit: http://ourbellanaturale.tumblr.com/submit

11:11

The moon hears my whispers

Every night

My notes float up 

Through the clouds

But they seem to miss

You're still not mine

Dormi

I want

to close my 

eyes and 

taste you 

in 

my dreams.

Six reasons to go to South Africa

1) The music: I went during the National Arts Festival in Grahamstown and it was phenomenal (See "From the Big Apple to the Prickly Pear" post). In addition to the dances, plays, and shows I watched, South Africa reveals a rich tradition filled with all kinds of music. Jazz, soul, chants, raps, everything was just magnified by the rawness and beauty in melody.

2) The history: Being that I've been learning American history since kindergarten, it's refreshing to hear another side of history. I went to your called "Exhibit A" which was a slave museum and I was shaken. Never had I been exposed to the gruesome  and scenes that took place so long ago. Nothing was sugar coated. It was completely bare. 

3) The culture: Being able to submerge myself into the different languages, tastes, and scents, it was almost overwhelming. It's almost surreal because being a tourist  makes you feel distant but you connect so deeply with your surroundings that you can't help but feel tied to it by spirit. It moves through you as your mind takes in everything it has to offer.

4) The people: I met some amazing people in South Africa who helped open my mind to their culture a little better. They spoke Khosa and Afrikaan. I was delightfully confused but completely receptive. It helps to go in with an open mind and to leave bleak assumptions at the door.

5) Riding Elephants: Need I say more?

6) You'll enjoy it: Before my trip, my whole family warned me to be careful and not get kidnapped. While it's great to be cautious, don't let it hinder your ability to have fun! I met some amazing people, ate some great food and had great once in a lifetime experiences. It came at a point and time of my life when I was discovering myself and grappling with my identity. Even if you feel like you've got yourself all figured out, you'll be pleasantly surprised as to what South Africa brings out in you. 

Forgive a Forgetful Me

I may forget that we first met on a Tuesday

But I'll remember the song my heart sang when

It felt

You

I may forget the color of your favorite shirt

But I'll remember the scent of your skin

As it clung to the neatly stitched fabric

I may forget your sister's name

But I'll remember the soft shift of your tone

Whenever you spoke to her

Or spoke to me

I'll never forget the way your fingerprints 

Molded into mine

And how I sometimes

Lose myself 

In you

How your voice imprints my skull

And every thought is a rich melody

Only I can hear

Only I can enjoy

So forgive me when I forget sometimes

I'm too busy remembering the

Crinkles of your smile

Patter of your feet

Curves of your face

Confines of your mind

Rhythm of your breath

Chiming of your heart

The depths of your soul

Forgive me 

Last Time On Love and Hiphop ATL...

Yes I watch it, shoot me. It's a notorious semi-guilty pleasure of mine.

Anyway, after watching Kirk commit the foulest sin against his wife, I couldn't help but to be fiercely appalled.


I don't get it.

Men like him want to live this "lavish" life of females, money, mansions, jacuzzis, cars, motorcycles, etc no matter what the circumstance (In this case, while already being committed to a 15-year marriage and expecting a child). This feels like it makes it okay to dog women just because you're facing some tough times and have lost your mojo.Then to perpetuate this lifestyle to young boys of 17-20, making them idolize and follow his foul ways all the way through their 40's and beyond is crude. How long do you want to live the bachelor life? Men could have their cake and eat it too while women are battling for the scraps.

I want to do a side by side comparison of Kirk from Love and Hiphop and Judith from Tyler Perry's "Temptation." Both cheated on their spouses which was equally wrong, but the consequences both suffered were different. Both felt dead in their current relationships causing them to cheat. However, Kirk's actions were glorified by many while Judith was plagued with a life threatening disease and bashed by her viewers. Many people looked at Kirk and thought "TURN UP", while others looked at Judith and said "All that glitters isn't gold" and harped on how ungrateful she was. This kind of display forces women into silence and pressures women to stay in an unhappy marriage because once she strays, it leads her to eternal damnation.

At a certain point, Rasheeda (Kirk's wife) and Judith share the same sorrow even though their actions were different. Rasheeda is currently viewed as the vulnerable, pregnant wife who was just embarrassed by her husband's more-than-open display of infidelity. Judith who was neglected by her oblivious husband, which leads her to cheating, suffered being infected with HIV. Although "Tempation" was fictional, it perpetuates this idea that there is no way out for Black women. It's either be faithful and be wronged by loved ones or try to stray away and get pulled down deeper than before. Contemporary media and pop culture is immobilizing us.

We're evolving into an era where it's getting easier and easier to disrespect women by means of social media. It's like women can't say, feel, think, or be something without a meme being released that says "Bitches be like *insert degrading phrase here*" It's either that or having our imperfections blown up in our faces time and time again. Reality TV has done its share of marring the images of Black women and folks on "black twitter" are ready to shame their every move. We've turned against each other. Too often I'd see these pictures of these black faces labeled "Bitches" come from the same black faces. I've seen black males do it with ease and the females to follow. We're belittling ourselves and squandering our crowns. The war on women is real and social media makes it no better.

It's hard trying to stand up straight in a crooked room. It's hard to feel like my society looks at me with a Funhouse mirror and no matter which way I twist and turn, I'll always be mocked. After watching this show, if we continue to have black women viewed in this way, no one will ever take us seriously. No one will ever respect us. No one will ever really SEE us. We will be the counterpart of Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man". We'll be a league of Invisible Women. Screaming, shouting, angry, scorned, scarred.

Invisible.

Started From the Bottom Now We... Where?

I'm sure most of us have heard Drake's song "Started From the Bottom." If you haven't, all you need to hear to get the basic sentiments of the song are the first couple of lines:

"Started from the bottom now we here
Started from the bottom now the whole team f-ckin here..."

Now, obviously this song was meant for Drake to reaffirm his status in his career, "here" most likely meaning its height. What puzzles me is everyone's reception and recycling of the phrase. Every so often, I'd see a plethora of pictures on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram with people at clubs, parties, or other normal settings with "started from the bottom no we here" in the caption. At that point I think to myself, where's "here"?
I understand "here" is relative for everyone so there will be varied perceptions of where "here" is, but we need to look at the bigger picture.

As far as we and "here" are concerned, we are mostly still in the hood, we are still a minority, we are still major victims of gun violence, we are still being racially profiled and discriminated against in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, we are still struggling up the corporate ladder, we are still rooted in an educational system that is failing our children especially in Philly and other urban youth...

From the looks of it, we are still at the bottom, maybe a ring or two up the ladder, but still far from the top.

Drake's "here", as well as many other artists', seems to be centered around money, cars, clothes, lovers, etc. By all means, if having these things make you feel like you're at the top, so be it. However, don't be fooled by the notion that having pretty-looking things or living an over-the-top lifestyle means you've made it. Too many people have bought into this without realizing that  being "hood rich" makes you perpetually poor.

My highschool teacher told me "No matter what point you reach in your life, never feel like you've already arrived." There's always work to do. Although we've seen some positive, incremental changes, as a whole, there's little progress.

At this rate, will we ever make it to "here"? To the top? Will we ever just destroy the whole hierarchy of who's at the bottom or top all together? Maybe not. As long as there are people who are striving to advance, there will always be people getting stepped on in that process. Human nature.

I don't expect everyone to have the same aspirations. I don't expect us to not want/have those nice things at one point. But there are so much of us stuck at the bottom while many are swallowed up in materialism thinking that puts them on top.

So instead of taking pictures in fancy clubs and clothes, just think: As a people, as a "team", are we really "here" yet?