But I'm told not to harden myself.

Not to let the "next guy suffer"

Not to take it out on them

Don't misplace

But no one says "thank you" when they take

No one says "sorry" when they take

They just take and you carry them on your skin 

The funk, the hurt, 

you're expected to wrap it all up, tuck it away, and continue to give yourself

Piece. by. piece.

We're walking around here, beautiful stained glass

Giving ourselves to those who just want to possess

To break off a piece to take home and stare at for a while before throwing you away.

How is that every fair?--being an expectant giver, regardless of the pain?

I am angry.

But even my anger erupts in flowers 

The moon probably cries during the wintertime

She spends all season, listening to us 

wail for the summer days

when her time is brief 

How can I spell myself into you

Become a litany on your skin

But you still refuse to see me?

Rub honeysuckle and mint into her bones

Let sit

Watch her burst and blossom into life

dancing on purples 

Praise her

For "One of Those" Days

I'll bring you a mason jar of sunflowers 

Quietly bobbing their heads to the sun

Whisper "I love you"

My good messengers

Gentle giant. Delicate monster

Release me from your grasp

You ain't shit but chicken feathers

scattered over broken glass

I ain't ever been afraid of you

Life's a...

Little seashell

your sand-peach and

your lily white stripes

So beautiful

Put me up to your ear and

hear the ocean

Wind whipping through my 

hollowed insides

Listen to my emptiness 

my strange song

Tuck my in your pocket 

or toss me back in the sand 

Forget about little seashell 

Her strange sad songs

Taking you to the sea

Her depths swallowed her whole

Miss Lunch Lady

Tell me

Which part of Trinidad are you from?

You thought I'd miss your hot-fire head

And the twin-island earrings dangling from your face

Do you miss it?

The sun, the breeze, extolled by the people themselves.

Absent from the winter months of the states.

Do you miss it?

Kindly oblige this Yankee girl's dreams

Please.

Trinidad is a place I could belong to

I can belong too

A place that hugs me, grass licking my feet

Even if my skin smells like French fries and pollution.

Round, sturdy woman. Miss Lady

Which part of Trinidad are you from?

Do you miss the turquoise waters too?

You all are so brave

Here, we're mauled by sharks 

But your mighty hands make them a delicacy

My grandmother is a wind-chime woman

My mother was born standing on her two feet

Their house stood the pitter-patter of 10 pairs of kids-feet

Your land, a luscious song

Unwinding, winding around mountains, hill peaks, and patches of city.

Ms. Whole-Warm, fire woman

Promise you'll take me with you next time

It's my home too

9/3

A man said said silly things to me today that made me feel special.

He didn't mean to though.

Not the way I thought.

I think too much. Smile too hard. Want this rough, rushed love so bad my head is spinning someone catch me before I...


I don't want that

I just want what I want
the right way


9/16


Today, a man told me some stupid shit that made me feel good about myself.
Only this time
I went looking for it


Stupid shit
Generic shit about my smile
But I went looking for it

And I found it

Classics

Humming "the spinners" old tune

Stupidly falling in love

With myself 

Dedication: Turning 22

To my moonchildren, my melanin soul sisters, my other-mother brothers.

To my teachers, coaches, and mentors, whose blackboards, tracks, living rooms, canvases, hallways, and two room apartments have taught me more about life and myself than any textbook can teach me.

To my blood, separated by ocean, sand, sun dust, but have tied your strings to my fingers so that everything I do, everything I make, will be done with the craft of proud Seaton blood.

To my baby-girls and my maybe-girls. To my wild flowers, wall flowers, and steel-magnolias. The dope-as-hell, the house of fleek, and cunning caterpillars.

To delightful movie-reel memories, encased in the crown of my head. To the wild tongues that shocked me, hot hands that moved me.

To kin woven together in C minor chords. In discord, and in harmony. To outstretched arms, cradling shoulders, and raised voices.

To the dwelling spirits over me, hovering, guiding. Quietly, quietly.

To our insistence on existing, on living. Audaciously. To have our dreams and raise hell about it.

In the beauty of it all, my heart has swelled to my throat with gratitude. Thank you all for sharing in this life-stone with me. By His grace, I have many more miles to go

Asterius

And just like that

You were gone

Your gentle presence 

Your meekness

You were the only one who could bring me to tears

without ever hurting me

'89

Sing until you can feel the notes streaming down your face.

Taste the salt in your tears 

and remember that your soul is as vast as the ocean 

you are it's depths. 

I let people feel through the softest parts of me..

..but they would still sift through looking for some kind of grittiness. 

It's always something 

To the girl that made me feel

Although there was a color in every note

She was the one that made you feel rainbows

You tasted her pinks and her yellows

Thank her

Tender-headed

I lay in my bed and stare

At the light dancing around my dark ceiling

It seems like I notice everything nowadays

Feel anything nowadays 

I lock myself away

A prisoner in my own house

Tippy-toeing around this daunting presence

He hands me money and I am ashamed 

My voice box is broken and the anger that fueled me is quelled by confusion 

I look to her with pleading eyes

Save us

Save yourself

Fight for you

Fight for a love that is cocooning 

For a love that licks the tips of your fingers 

And tickles your nose 

For the smell of sunshine on your hair 

Your waist heralded with moon flowers 

Fight 

Want something real for the first time in your life

Something beyond the dizzying of over-proof rum

More than the blundering frustrations that leave his mouth

Fight for something real

For us

For you 

Herodias

You all forget sometimes,

How powerful women are. 

It was a woman who carried Jesus, 

Women whom were the first to look upon his face after his death, 

and when he was raised

It was a woman ordered John the Baptist to be killed, 

It was a woman who turned this whole world upside down. 

Sojourner truth said 

"If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again!" 

You better watch out.. 

Any

It's like we spill into each other

The weight of the day, carried on our backs

We finally explode 

The dams burst 

We feed into each other 

Her laughter filling me 

We are soul sisters 

Magic

"So black, she's blue"
Full of color
Life
Vibrancy in her bones
Sun leaping from her lips

True blue
Blue-black
Black and blue
Boo-hoo
Who's blue?
Black

She is magic

Night children with wild hearts 

That's all we were

Spirits cupped in our palms

Mated, as we held hands

Everything I felt for you

Never dwarfed by the inconstant

Of our physical 

Lurking mortality

Living in the mundane, with you

Made me forget every letter 

That crafted the word

Life was never boring with you

Never dulled or dimmed

Even as the sky told us everyday

Light caged in your chest.

I looked hard and found 

Pieces 

Of me

Embedded in your flesh

I am bound to you 

And by form and night dances 

Souls akin, connect

You tread through me

My veins tingle

You strum me

I am yours 

Undeniably 

I fight, futile

Intoxicated, I quake

Sickly sweet melodies, you are in my head

I can not shake you

Even if I ran to the ends of the world, 

Our hearts at each pole 

Time would always be gracious enough 

To unite us again 

We are tied 

Not to this earth, soil, or sky

But to each other

We are boundlessly bound

To each other